Preparing for What's to Come - Part 4

We've talked about spiritual, family, and financial issues so now it's time to tackle the one that many of you might think is the most important of all - how do you share the other parts of your life together?

How alike are the two of you? If not very similar, do you know how to compromise? The old saying goes that opposites attract and in my marriage I would not deny that this is mostly true. But does it always need to be this way for a marriage to be successful? What if you and your future mate are so alike that it's scary? The issue here isn't whether or not the both or you like NASCAR or girly movies but rather whether or not the two of you are compatible. You're a neat freak, he's a slob. You are always on time, she's constantly late. You like a more classic style in home decor, she prefers more flowers and pastels. You are more open with your emotions and feelings, he's more like a clogged pipe.

I could write pages and pages about the differences that exist between husbands and wives and the innumerable ways to resolves these differences, but I would rather approach it from this perspective: Being different isn't all that bad. Yes, you need to learn to compromise in areas that are important but think of your differences a way to grow with each other. You do this by communication. That's right, you talk to each other (and not at each other). Discuss your differences and come up with ways that that they can work in your favor. If he's not much of a talker then write notes to each other (I know it sounds silly but no step in the right direction is too goofy). The important point to remember is that you must address differences now before they become major sources of conflict within your marriage. Give each other a chance to respond in the way and the time frame that works best for the other.

How will you spend your free time? This naturally feeds off what I just wrote above. Prior to my marriage to my wife Kellie, I was what many called the quintessential bachelor. By that these guys meant that I was gifted at doing as little as I possibly could for an extended period of time. My life was really simple - I did what I wanted to do with my time and on my terms. When I met Kellie I knew that things would have to change. I was pretty sure that she wouldn't want to sit around watching back-to-back-to-back episodes of Sports Center every morning while lounging in boxer shorts and eating pop tarts. I was also fairly certain that going to a ball game a couple of nights a week or eating wings and pizza for every other meal was going to cut it either. Instead, I learned what her interests were and learned to adjust my life to hers. On free Saturdays, instead of watching 5 different football games I would go with her to do things that she enjoyed as well. Did I give up my sports altogether? No, but I did give more of myself to her and her interests. Now that we have 4 kids the words "free time" are a distant memory, but I do look back now at how we spent that time together and am grateful how it was time well spent sharing our common interests together.

What role will your friends play in your marriage? This last point is the one that I will probably be the toughest on because I believe it's the on that's the most often abused. I know married guys who go out at night with the fellas and think that it's okay to do it as much as they want. I also know married girls who seem to spend more time away from home than they ever do at home. Is time away important? Absolutely! There is no need to give up your friends just because you are married but you must learn what role those friends will play in your life now that you have tied the knot. First and foremost your spouse is your best friend, period. You should cultivate that friendship until the day that you die and you can only do that by spending quality time together. As a result, the amount of time that you used to spend with the guys and girls will have to decrease. You can't hope to have a happy marriage if your friends get the same amount of time as your spouse. Schedule some guy nights and girls nights or some weekends away with your friends, but never schedule more for them than you do for your mate.

Preparing for What's to Come - Part 3

Dave Ramsey won't be busting down my door anytime soon when it comes to money management principles, but I do understand the importance that finances can and often do play in a marriage. Statistics that I have seen cite financial strain as a primary reason given for divorce in America today. Money or the love of it can be a tremendous hurdle for young couples to overcome, especially when they possess spending habits that are on opposite sides of the spectrum. Here are some questions the engaged (and already married) couple should ask each other about financial issues.

I'll Buy That (But Probably Shouldn't)

Are you bringing any debt into the marriage? Most young adults, if they have gone through college or grad school, have accrued some sort of debt. If it's not school debt then it's credit card debt or a car payment or even a mortgage. Debt relief organizations are a dime a dozen, and the fact that they exist highlights the real problem that too much debt can bring. Some debt is seen as almost necessary - school bills, house and car payment, etc. - but the majority of our debt is the kinds that we choose to bring upon ourselves. We want it, we can't afford, so we'll charge or finance it. Couples need to lay out their "spreadsheets" of debt prior to the wedding day so that they can honestly assess what they are financially getting themselves into. I have heard of couples postponing their weddings because one or both of their debt balances was overwhelming. I am not necessarily advocating that but it is critical to be realistic about the battle that now will now be inherited by your future spouse. Kellie and I went through a debt management course prior to our wedding (let me add that we weren't the most faithful in implementing the principles that we learned) but it did help to instill some discipline into our spending and saving habits. If the financial burden is a bit bigger than you prefer, then the two of you should consider some real debt counseling or a financial program that will help you to realistic manage your finances so that your finances don't manage you (check out Crown Ministries and Dave Ramsey for starters).

Do you live by a budget or by the seat of your pants? Once again it's confession time for me: We don't live by a tight budget. However, we have adopted a informal system of payments based upon our paychecks that allows us to track what's coming in and what's going out so that we aren't too often surprised by a charge or a bill that we weren't expecting. Let's face it, sometimes living paycheck to paycheck is all that you can do at the time giving the income that you make. Let me say that if you are waiting to get married until you can afford it (or have kids for the same reason), then you probably will never be able to afford it in the ideal sense. There are several programs available that will help you to establish a monthly budget and as a bare minimum make sure that both or you are aware of what you make on a monthly basis and that you know exactly what you have going out in the forms of bills and payments. Also, if there are unnecessary payments going out each month for things that you don't really need or use (or are maybe a result of extravagant purchases) then come to an agreement about what you will keep and what you won't. Trim your expenses as much as you can, especially since sharing a home or an apartment together will bring extra monthly expenses that you may not have anticipated (added insurance premiums, housing needs such as furniture and appliances, possibility of a new vehicle, etc.).

Will both of you work? Prior to having children, many couples will both work and then when they start a family the mom (and sometimes the dad) will opt to stay home. Some couples enter marriage with the wife staying home from the get go and the husband being the one that works. Whatever your preference or expectation, make sure that the two of you talk it out extensively and come up with an effective strategy when the time comes. Kellie works on weekends because her job provides us with the necessary medical benefits that we need and her schedule allows me to be home with the kids so that we don't have any childcare needs (we determined long ago that we did not want our children in daycare). We anticipate a day when this won't be the case and when that day comes she will work only if she wants to do so. Some of you may have determined that once you begin to have children then one of you will stay home while the other becomes the sole provider, and if that's the case then you must plan ahead on how to make that possible. On the flip side of that, both of you may plan on working full-time in the midst of starting your family and that will require careful planning on your part as to childcare and scheduling. The importance in all of this is that the two of you have talked it out and are in full agreement on what will work best for you marriage. Let me add a final note to this: There are times when our plans don't match up with reality. It may be necessary for both of you to continue working in order to pay your mortgage and put food on the table even though your desire is for one of you to stay home. Life is filled with these kinds of seasons and marriage is no different. If this is the circumstance you find yourself in then prayerfully commit yourself to working on a plan that will allow one of you to be at home in the future without neglecting the obligation that you have now to provide for your family.

How will you share the burden of shopping and bills? Back in the day, June Cleaver did all the shopping and Ward and boys did all the consuming of it. That may still work today but it doesn't have to be the case. I will confess that I really enjoy doing the grocery shopping. My wife has no problem doing it and is honestly better at shopping for food than I am (I often shop on impulse and with my stomach) but I often jump to it before she does. The point is that we are okay with each other doing the shopping for the house. When it comes to paying our bills I do most of it online but I don't hide what we owe from her. We have no financial secrets in our house and neither should any married couple. Why is that in bold? Quite simply, there are many men and women who secretly shop for things hoping that their spouse either won't know what they've bought or that when the bill comes they can somehow soften the blow. Unless you are shopping for a gift for each other then your purchases should be laid out for both to see. Also, when the bills come, agree with each other on how much can and should be paid on existing balances and don't open any new lines of credit without the other one's knowledge. Kellie and I agreed years ago that we must advise the other before making any purchase above $50, so if I'm out and see something that I want that has a price tag above $50 I have to call her first to make sure it's okay by our checkbook to do so. This helps to eliminate impulse shopping and keeps unnecessary spending in check.

What about the checkbook? When you met and fell in love, each of you had your own checking and savings accounts. Now that you approach married life together, should you share a joint checking and savings account? Yes, you should. I have heard of couples that keep them separate so that they can have their "own" money or they do so because he makes more than she does or vice versa and they want to keep it "fair." Let me be honest on this one - when Kellie and I got married, it became our money, not mine or hers. It didn't matter how much each of us made, we chose not to hide or keep anything from each other and we still don't to this day. In fact, we set up joint accounts prior to our marriage which made it much easier to handle any payments that we needed to make associated with our wedding. This may make sense to you or it may be a concept that makes you gasp, but remember that finances are a primary contributor to divorce. When you share all that you have with each other then there are no secrets to hide or financial confessions to make from the bottom of the hole that you have dug.

Preparing for What's to Come - Part 2

Yesterday I wrote about the issue of faith and how it applies to engaged couples. Let me say right here and now that if you are reading this and you are either married or aren't engaged, these principles still apply to you. No one gets everything right before the marriage but we must always keep working to improve what God has blessed us with.

We Are Family

A critical issue that many married couples face is the role that family will play in their marriage.I've been blessed as a married man to have family members - both mine and Kellie's - who have been gracious to us and have allowed us to grow and mature as a couple and not as an extension of their own opinions. There have been times where they have offered unsolicited advice, but who doesn't do that? Yet the newly married couple forms a new family unit themselves, and as such they must learn to live together and cope with the differences and challenges that will surely be there. Couples must confront and conquer tough issues prior to the wedding date, and many of these issues can be uncomfortable to discuss. This leads us to several important questions that should be asked.

Have you stayed pure in your relationship prior to the wedding? Someone many years ago told me that my physical involvement prior to marriage would affect me in various ways once I was married. This includes my involvement not just with others before I met my future wife, but also with the level of physicality that I allowed to happen between my wife and I prior to our wedding day. Simply put, we must learn from our past but we must also realize that our previous behavior can have adverse affects on our new and growing marriage. It's important that engaged couples are honest with each other about past relationships, a conversation that no one really looks forward to having. Don't be too graphic - that can really cause problems - but be honest about your past experiences. And once your future mate has bared his/her soul, then do not under any circumstances hold that information against them or use it against them in the future.

Along these same lines, how physical are you allowing yourself to be with your future husband or wife? I've heard and used the same excuses myself - "We're getting married so what does it matter?" Believe me, it matters plenty. God blesses the physical within marriage but you aren't going to find many passages where He is honored by the physical before it. Also, if for some unforeseen reason your engagement breaks apart and the two of you do not get married, you have lost a portion of your innocence and given away that which is sacred in such a way that you cannot regain it when you do find that right one to spend your life with.

Are you comfortable with your knowledge of sex and what to expect in the marriage? If you think being comfortable with sex means you become intimate with your future mate prior to the wedding date, then reread what I just wrote above. For those who are willing to wait for their wedding night to enjoy that special moment, then you owe it to yourself to be aware of what to expect that first time. Find someone that you trust and respect and ask the necessary questions (your parents, a married man or woman who mentors you, etc). Again, this can be a bit embarrassing to do so be very careful in discerning whom you speak with (and let me be obvious here - guys should seek the counsel of other men and girls should seek the counsel of other women). I can remember counseling a young man in this area and feeling the heat from his face as he blushed through his inquiries, but the conversation was shrouded in his desire to make his marriage all that it could be in every facet so that it honored his Lord and Savior. If you don't ask then you won't know.

Have you begun to make decisions regarding the impact and influence of extended family upon your marriage? This can be perhaps the area most pocked with landmines in your marriage, and it's one that married couples will continue to work through for years to come. Let's take on two of the more prevalent issues.

First, how will you spend your holidays and vacations? You are used to doing things with your family while he/she always spends special times with his/her family. There may be times where you can do both but more than likely there will be conflicts, especially if extended families live in different cities. So what will you do? The two of you must take time to sit down and discuss this at length and do so without any input from anyone else. Get your feelings and frustrations out and don't hold back on what you are thinking or desiring. Then come up with a plan that both of you can agree on and stick to it. That may mean rotating Thanksgiving and Christmas each year or you might go so far as to keep some of holidays just for the two of you to enjoy together. Be aware that your decisions may not be all that popular with either side of the family but it is your decision to make and, as long as it's not made in a mean-spirited or unfair way, it's one that they will have to live with.

Second, how much advice and input into your marriage and personal decisions should you receive from mom and dad and mother-in-law and father-in-law? There may be no direct way of answering that question, but in doing so I'll give out some sage advice that I was given from my older brother. Make the first year of your marriage your marriage. Spend as much time with each other as possible and not a lot with extended family. This does not mean ignore them on the holidays or special occasions, but it does mean that you focus solely on your mate as much as is possible. If you are used to calling momma everyday, then that's a practice that in the first year of marriage needs to stop. If you are used to spending all day Saturday on the couch with dad while watching every ballgame that's on TV, then it's time to start your own Saturday tradition. This may seem harsh but you must remember this important fact: Your husband/wife is now your family and you must work to protect and grow this new family that God has allowed you to be a part of.

All that being said, you and your future mate must discuss this issue of parental involvement in detail. Let him/her know what your expectations are and patiently listen to what he/she has to say. Agree with each other on how much is enough and how much is too much. Extended family can be a great assess but it can also be a stumbling block if the two of you don't honestly discuss the roles they are allowed or forbidden to play in your marriage.

Preparing for What's to Come - Part 1

For the past 3+ years I've had the privilege of teaching a young couples class at my church. We've covered countless topics on marriage and along the way I've read some great books by some wise and gifted authors and teachers who are experts on the subject. All of that has inspired me to do a blog series on preparing for marriage, gleaning bits and pieces from the mountain of information that I've gathered. Premarital counseling is too important to ignore!

The Arena of Faith

Let's say that you have found Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect and you are ready to take that next step in life together in marriage. You love everything about him/her. You can't stand being apart. You get the tingles when he/she walks in the room. This is a match made in heaven, right? How could this be wrong?

Before you send out wedding invitations you must dig further than just physical attraction and connectedness. You must ask questions of faith. If you are a follower of Christ, there is no more important prerequisite for you future partner than that he/she also be a follower of Christ. 2 Corinthians 6:14 sternly reminds us that we are not to be unequally yokes with an unbeliever. The picture of marriage drawn for us is of two people going in two different directions because they are being guided by opposite spiritual forces. Here are some questions that must be asked and answered about faith and spiritual issues before you tie the knot:

Do you share the same faith in Christ? I say "same faith" because it's important to differentiate a relationship with Christ from just going to church. Church attendance is important but it does not equal a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And evangelism by marriage is an awful difficult way to lead someone to Christ.

Are you in agreement of where you will worship together? This is a bigger deal than you might think. My wife and I had several serious discussions about this before we were married. I loved the church where I attended and she was very attached to where she worshiped. We knew that we had to make a decision that both of us could agree upon. If you don't make a prayerful decision prior to marriage then the "my church" vs. "your church" argument usually won't have a pleasant resolution. Take a close look at your preferred churches and seek to worship and plug in where the two of you will grow the most spiritually and as a couple, not because it's where momma and daddy go. If you can't agree on "his" church or "her" church, then pick a totally different church where you can attend together, one that doesn't come with a large emotional price tag.

Groom, are you prepared to be the spiritual leader? Ephesians 5:25 tells men that they are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus died for the church and gave His all so that His church could be healthy and grow. Men, this is also your responsibility with your wives. Too often women are the ones who become the spiritual and moral compass for their families. This does not mean that the woman's opinion is less than that of the man; what it does mean is that the man has a God-given responsibility to lead his family in a Christlike way. Settle for yourselves now personal and moral issues so that you will not bring in excess baggage to your marriage and so you will be fit to lead your wife and family.

How are the two of you growing in Christ together? Bad habits are hard to break once you are married and good habits are easier to maintain. Begin now to forge the spiritual disciplines that will buttress your marriage especially during trying times. If you don't already do so have regular prayer time together, study the Bible together, talk freely and openly about spiritual issues, share struggles and successes with each other. The spiritual disciplines that you embrace now will only strengthen your marriage later.

Name calling

One of the most painful memories I have in my life is from a college experience. It was a time in my life where I was running from God and was involved in lots of things that didn't bring Him glory. There was an instance where I did something stupid to a fellow fraternity brother which I thought was done in secret. However, one night he called me aside, confronted me with what I had done, and then to my face called me a hypocrite. I have never felt so ashamed in my entire life.

Name calling is something that isn't tolerated in my house. Some of the names that my kids come up with are funny sounding and not all that insulting - carrot head, snot breath, etc. - but they are always used with the intent to harm so we don't let them be said a second time. No one likes to be called names or labeled unfairly. But there is a name that, although it might have started out as a harsh label, has become synonymous with what all followers of Christ strive to be called.

Acts 11:19-26 describes the growth of the church in Antioch under the leadership of Barnabas and Saul (later called Paul). For an entire year these men stayed in Antioch and taught and discipled the followers of Christ there. As a result of the growth of that church and the sincere faith that they exhibited, believers in Antioch were labeled with the name "Christian." For the first time in history disciples of Christ were called Christians.

I've heard that this was originally a derogatory name, since Christian literally means "little Christ", but pardon me for not being insulted. My goal in life is to glorify God and to be even considered worthy of looking like Christ to others. You can call me whatever name you want and there are times that you can probably offend me by doing so, but you will never offend me by calling me a Christian. That's one name I long to be called.

The stupidity of getting mad

This blog post will serve as a confessional more than anything else, but it will also be mildly therapeutic. Why do people get mad at stupid things? The very first argument that I engaged in with my now wife (it was completely one-sided because she just looked me like I was stupid, which I was) involved an unshaken container of Papa John's garlic butter sauce. That's right, I got bent out of shape over the fact that she didn't shake the butter before she opened it. Years later I can laugh about it, but it still is one of the dumbest things that I have ever gotten mad about.

As a zealous Wake Forest fan, I lap up just about any information about their teams that I can. Since it's football season, I am regularly reading about the team on the internet, scanning for information about injuries and updates. There is a particular message board where most of the diehard fans post sports blather on, and in recent weeks some of the topics have gotten rather heated as the team has lost a couple of games. Without going into further detail, this past week some of these anonymous internet posters have all but challenged each other to fist fights over their disagreements regarding the coaches, players, and opinions of fellow fans. How dumb is that?

Many people get all twisted up about issues that simply aren't all that critical. They argue till they are red-faced about politics, theology, social issues, and sports, just to name a few. Christians are as equally guilty as anyone in this. But what if we responded as passionately to the gospel message and God's desire that the world hear the truth of Jesus? How many more would believe if I spent the same amount of energy proclaiming the gospel as I do with trying to prove my own petty points?

The real issue that this comes down to is that getting mad about trivial things takes energy away from what's most important--the gospel. It's a dangerous distraction that saps our energy and makes us ineffective for Christ. It's stupid to get mad enough to want to fight someone over whether their team should run or pass more. It's wise to put all of our effort in seeing that the gospel of Jesus Christ is heard by the lost who need salvation that only He can bring.

A gathering is good

Yesterday was an awesome day of worship and fellowship with other believers here in Yadkin County. It began at 10:30 at Yadkinville Elementary School with the band Revive leading worship and with me having the privilege of preaching God's word. Students and adults from all across Yadkin County gathered for this time of worship and edification. It was a meaningful and worshipful church service.

Church? Did I really just call this community worship service a church? Yes I did. The Greek word for church is ekklesia, which means gathering, and can even be translated "mob" (I like that one). In post-resurrection Jerusalem the church was the gathering of all believers in Christ for the purpose of worship, fellowship, biblical teaching, and ministry (see Acts 2:41-47). They gathered together in the temple complex and also in each others' houses. Their identity was wrapped up in who they were and whom they served, not in where they met. They were the church because they loved Jesus.

So yesterday morning a mob gathered at YES for the purpose of expressing corporate love to Jesus and to be edified by biblical teaching. Then in the afternoon, this same mob assembled in downtown Yadkinville for the purpose of fellowship and gospel- centered ministry in the form of a community-wide fall festival that allowed the mob to express to the community how much they - and Jesus - love them.

A gathering is good when it's for the purpose of Jesus. No class roles to be checked, no order of service to function like a straight jacket, no worries about what is going to be sung or who did or didn't give. Just Jesus and His gospel. Because it honors and glorifies Him.

Yours, mine, or His?

One day my children are going to dig up some of my blog posts and be really embarrassed that I use them so much for my illustrations, but they are the best living examples that I've got. Plus, I don't ever tell the really juicy stuff.

The other day in my house a one-sided argument broke out between two of my kids. One child was applying chap stick that apparently belonged to another one of my children. No big deal, right? Wrong. The owner of said chap stick spotted the lip-balm heist in progress and almost blew a gasket. The words "my chap stick" were repeated (shouted) numerous times and, to make matter worse (or more funny depending on your point of view), the offending child appeared to relish the crime and continued to apply enough chap stick to protect a small African village.

Kellie and refereed our way through the incident and calm was soon restored in our home. What stuck with me was how quickly we as people are to claim things as our own, especially things that don't truly belong to us. This new house that we just bought - the bank really owns it. The clothes and toys that kids fight over - their parents own them. The pro ball player that doesn't give his all and snubs the team - the season tickets holders own his contract, and thus his livelihood.

What about church buildings? "That doesn't count. We own the deed. This building is paid in full and we own it." Oh really? Last I checked, the Church belongs to God. It is His invention and Jesus is its head. Many believers act as if the church is only a building and it's their building. If their building were no longer standing, their church would no longer exist.

Go a step further if you will. What we do for God then becomes our possession as well. Our programs, our ministry, our growth, our system of doing things. We meet regularly to vote on issues to protect our investments and, more often than not, the souls of the lost never come up in those sometimes tense business meetings. Yet everything that we do or create in a church setting belongs to God, whether we like it or not.

Steven Curtis Chapman has a great song entitled "Yours." In the words, Chapman doesn't waste His time trying to convince us that buildings or programs should be committed to God. Instead the message is clear - people belong to God and He loves them. Desperately loves them. To the point of death.

I am not anti-church nor do I believe that we should jettison any organizational structure for our congregations. But I do believe we could and should spend a lot more time focusing on people and a lot less time on man-made structures. This sentiment I express isn't new - it's shared by many. When we are truly willing to be the gospel to people then the church will be what the church should be, the precious possession of God and the beautiful bride of Christ.

The value of speaking the truth

What is the usual experience on a given Sunday morning in a typical church in America? Sure, the worship styles will vary as will the size of the church and the age of the congregation, but for the most part a sermon will be central to what we call the worship service. Pulpits command the best seat in the house and for 45 minutes a monologue is delivered by a preacher who (hopefully) has faithfully studied the Word of God and is passionately delivering this truth to open ears.

But how much of what we hear on Sunday mornings do we actually remember. I have to confess that I am more prone to remember clever anecdotes and references to food than I am the points of truth that have been harvested from the Scripture. It does help if the points of the message form an acrostic for easy memorization or if they all start with the same letter, but my point is that much of what we hear, we don't remember. In fact, studies show that we remember only about 20% of what we hear and that immediately after hearing someone talk we only remember 50% of what they just said. That's very telling when 85% of what we know we have learned by listening. If we only remember 20% of what we hear on a typical Sunday morning does that mean the other 80% is wasted effort?

In the book Total Church the authors suggest that we take to heart what James 1:22 commands for us to do:

We must not only listen to the word--we must put it into practice. Churches are full of people who love listening to sermons. But sermons count for nothing in God's sight. We rate churches by whether they have good teaching or not. But James says great teaching counts for nothing. What counts is the practice of the word. What counts is teaching that leads to changed lives. We must never make good teaching an end in itself.

These are some pretty direct words but we must admit they are true. If all I ever get is a pat on the back and a "Good message this morning, pastor" after I preach, then have I really fulfilled the call of my ministry? What is the solution? Maybe instead of more monologues we can have more dialogue within the body of Christ. That's not to say that our Sunday morning services be round-table discussions, yet wouldn't there be benefit in small group opportunities to dig deeper into the text that has just been expounded by the pastor? Or to an even greater extent, what if believers would be more faithful to talk about their faith and the Bible and God and their salvation while they are at work or school or with their friends and neighbors?

The whole point of this post is that we must not simply rely upon a pastor or teacher to get God's Word out there. You may only remember 20% of what you hear on Sunday morning but that man or woman that you engage in a spiritual dialogue will grasp 100% of what you are trying to say.

Respecting the 'rents

This Wednesday I have the privilege of talking to my students about respecting and obeying their parents. Colossians 3:20 puts it pretty plainly: "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to God." No students are exempt. The command is pretty blunt. The scope is rather broad. And the reason is very clear.

I can recall plenty of times as a child where I chose to test the disciplinary limits of my parents. Now, I wasn't one of those kids who was out of control or went on crime sprees, but I did have a pretty quick tongue that lashed out with sharp wit and sassy talk back that had me running from certain punishment on a regular basis. My parents would quickly remind me of the pecking order in our house, a ladder whose rungs I had really yet to climb. As I seek to raise my own children to be respectful I am all the more grateful for the lessons (sometimes painful) that I learned about obedience and respect as a child.

Sometimes I question whether or not I am too hard on my own children when it comes to obedience and respect. But then I imagine how horrified I would be if my kids spoke to adults like I see so many other young people doing today (no, I'm not shaking my cane at all the whipper snappers out there - I'm just calling it as I see it). Let's be honest, there are a lot of young people today who have zero respect for their parents and this trickles down to all others areas of their lives.

I've overheard the phone conversations that students have with their parents, the way they raise their voice and speak to them as if they were their little brother or sister caught stealing stuff from their room. I've been an eyewitness on many occasions where the requests of parents have fallen on the deaf ears of children who choose to live by their own agenda. And I've seen parents broken down and defeated by children who refuse to listen and obey.

Truth be told, my parents never beat me as a child but then again they never had to. I learned quickly that mom and dad meant business and if I wanted a long and healthy childhood then I had better learn from my mistakes and get used to doing as I was told. Ask my own kids how many times they get "the look" from daddy when he makes a request and it doesn't get followed. The number one goal for two of my four children has been fulfilled - the two oldest are followers of Christ. Yet if I succeed at nothing else as a father let my children at least be respectful of other people.

A fitting final drive

Those of you who are local to the Winston-Salem area know about the tragic death of police Sgt. Mickey Hutchens. Sgt. Hutchens was gunned down last week by a habitual criminal for reasons that none of us understand. His partner survived the shooting and was able to fatally wound the shooter, and somehow St. Hutchens survived almost a week before succumbing to his injuries.

Today was the funeral for Sgt. Hutchens and it was like nothing I had ever seen before. He was from Yadkin County, born and raised, and the entire county felt the effect of his death. Blood drives were held in his honor, news crews crossed the river with regularity, and church and business signs served as constant reminders to pray and remember his family. Wake Forest University was the site for the funeral itself and the graveside was at Forbush Baptist Church. Traffic from Winston-Salem to Yadkin County stretched for miles. I was stuck in traffic in Clemmons, not from cars trying to get on the highway but because people had pulled off on the side of the road to watch the procession and show their respects. It was if life stood still for this final ride home.

Sgt. Hutchens leaves behind a wife and two daughters, one of whom I know and have had a chance to minister to in the past. Yet lost in the midst of all of this is the forgotten fact that another funeral, surely smaller and less conspicuous, occurred last week as well. The mother and family of the Monte Evans, the man who shot and killed Sgt. Hutchens, buried their son, brother, and uncle. This villain, as he is known, also had a slow ride to his final resting spot, surrounded by a family grieving not just for their loss but for the loss of life that he caused. No one grieves for this man - most will tell you that he got what he deserved and should have never been free to commit such crimes - yet his family is paying the steep price of guilt and shame sins that they did not commit.

I do not believe that the Hutchens' family nor the family of the surviving officer, Daniel Clark, hold a grudge against Evans' family members. And I do not write this to defend Evans, for I can't condone or excuse what he did. But I can't help but think of how Jesus loves me in spite of my dirty sin, how I deserve to be remembered more as a villain than a hero. Yet God looks past my sin, through the cross, and loves me.

So I watched the procession for a hero today, a visual that will stay with me for a long time. And I consider the pain of two families, both of whom have suffered loss but only one of whom hurts in the quiet of ambiguity. My prayers have been for the Hutchens family over this past week and my heart goes out to the family of Monte Evans as they agonize over the loss of their son and the innocence that he shredded with his lifestyle choices.

What's in a name? Everything!

When we were planning our family, finding the right names for our kids prior to their birth was very important to us. Having some sort of family connection with their names was key, but we also wanted to be very original and we wanted their names to mean something. Here are the names of our children and what they mean:

Chandler Elizabeth = One whose light shines for God

Reynolds Gray = Wise one who counsels kings

Deacon Sindler = Servant of God

Emmerson Caroline = Brave one who brings joy

I personally think that my children have very cool names, ones that are distinctive and make them stand out. And, for the most part, their names match their personalities and are very fitting for who they are.

When I was little, I was identified as the son of Ron and Sharon Griggs. That's not to say that I wasn't capable of doing anything notable or important, it's just that I was primarily identified with my family. Now that I have children of my own, when someone sees them running around they are likely to say, "Hey, that's one of Sterling and Kellie's kids!" Even though we each possess our own name we will always be identified to a larger extent with the family to which we belong.

Colossians 3:17 instructs us on how we are to behave on behalf of the Lord's name: "And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." As a Christian I am to speak and act as a representative of the name of Jesus Christ. It's my family name, my identity. If I conduct myself in a way that's shameful, then I will bring a bad report upon the name of my heavenly Father. Whatever I say or do reflects on my Lord.

My name is only as good as my word. However, the name of the Lord is powerful (Proverbs 18:10) and it alone can bring salvation (Acts 4:12) and is worthy of all honor and reverence that I or anyone else can bring (Philippians 2:10-11). I may speak out of turn and bring humiliation to myself, yet far more egregious is when my lifestyle and choices betray the name of the God of heaven and earth who poured out His life blood to save me.

Home Part 2

A little while back I blogged about the excitement and then frustration of finding that "perfect" home and then not being able to close the deal on it. It turns out that this particular house wasn't meant to be for us and we got over it fairly quickly.

As of this past weekend there is absolutely no bad taste left in our mouth from that initial failed offer because we were able to move into our new home in Lewisville, NC. The house is perfect for our family and, while we have yet to completely unpack, it already feels like home. Kellie and I sat on the couch last night drinking coffee after the kids went to bed and we looked around in amazement at what God has given to us. We are certainly humbled to be homeowners for the first time (and a little bit nervous) but grateful to have such a great place to raise our kids.

The most important task for us is to make this house a home. The Lord will be honored in this house and we desire to use it as a tool for His glory. We have already met the neighbors and they have freely dropped by. Cookouts and get togethers are in the near future and we want people to come and stay awhile. If you are reading this, then come on over whenever you get a chance!

Stress

Right now I am about as stressed as I can ever remember being. Now I'm not tearing my hair out or anything like that (not that I have any to rip) but I'm feeling it physically, mentally, and emotionally. Why am I stressed? Today I sent in the last of the information that the mortgage company would need in order for us to close on our new home on Wednesday. If that's not stressful enough, Kellie and I are now in the midst of trying to pack up a family of six in such a way that it doesn't disrupt the flow of daily life. Our basement is filled with things, many of which we won't take with us (can you say yard sale?) but we have to go through everything and there is quite honestly more trash than I know what to do with.

Thankfully, we have some students from my youth group and the Forbush High School football team that will help us on Thursday and Friday, which means that once we finally get everything boxed up and ready to go the move itself should go pretty smooth. But then we have to unpack...And in the midst of all of that we face this challenge with 4 kids running around, 2 of whom are very little and don't know how to stay out of harm's way. Like I said, I'm a little bit stressed.

Now I am no psychologist, but I did mention above the way that stress can affect you. There is the mental, physical, and emotional aspects but I failed to mention the spiritual aspects. If we aren't careful, then our spiritual lives can take the biggest toll if we turn to our devices to deal with stress and not to the Lord. So here is my amateur assessment of how to handle stress in such a way that it doesn't handle you:

1) Don't slack one bit in your spiritual disciplines. If you are in the habit of daily Bible study and prayer then remain in that habit. Do not deviate! Philippians 4:6-7 is a powerful reminder of just how we need to stay focused on Christ during any stressful time of life: "Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Wow! That just about covers every area that stress can affect in your life.

2) Make a plan and stick to it. As we near our moving date I have mapped out on paper what I want to accomplish each day. This way it is easier to avoid feeling overwhelmed because you have a plan of attack. It is wonderful therapy to be able to mark an item off of your list no matter how small that item is. Progress is a great remedy to stress.

3) Seek help and accept help. If you are overwhelmed with a project or upcoming event, ask for help. You will be surprised how many people will come to your rescue in your time of need. And if out of the blue someone offers to help you, unless they will be hindrance to the task, accept their offer. You've prayed to God for help and this is often how He answers those prayers.

4) Take regular breaks. Step away from the assignment. Get outside and enjoy the fresh air. Work out and burn off some of that built up stress. Do something to get your mind off of the task even if just for half an hour, such as reading a book, watching your favorite TV show, or playing a game or sport.

5) Know your limits. Sometimes the task at hand is just too big or there is just not enough time. While you must always strive to do your best, there is no need to kill yourself and alienate others around you as you scramble in a froth-filled frenzy to do what you know is impossible. This is not quitting or admitting weakness, it's simply being realistic.

This list is not exhaustive but it pretty well covers how I am trying to cope with the stress that is trying to invade every minute of my day. I believe with all of my heart that God is keenly interested in how we handle stressful situations. Will we choose to rely on Him and His providence or will we turn to self and others and fall apart at the seams? Oh, and if you want to help us move on Thursday and Friday, we certainly won't turn you away!

A Griggs' update

Yeah, I've been a slacker with this blog. I could give you a myriad of excuses but I'll spare you. Instead, I'll fill you in with some things that have been going on in the life of me and my family these past couple of weeks.

First, the house. We are scheduled to close on it this Wednesday, September 30. The amount of paperwork and information that we have had to submit have been almost overwhelming and at times puzzling, but it's coming together. I am prepared to give them a detailed list of what I had to eat last week because they will probably ask for that next. Last week Kellie and I purchased a new refrigerator and stove for the house as well as a 40 inch Sony Bravia 1080p LCD HDTV that absolutely rocks, so the new house will be well equipped to meet our many needs.

We also went ahead and started Chandler and Reynolds at Meadowlark Elementary School in Winston-Salem this week. I was so proud of them on Monday as they marched right into their new school and set out to make their mark. Meadowlark is a great school - it's a school of science and math - and I can already tell after a few days that it will be a great fit for them. Both of the girlgs have already made lots of good friends and Reynolds says that the food in the cafeteria is rockin'.

I have had the privilege so far this year of serving as the "spiritual coordinator" of the Forbush High School football team.
In this position I lead team devotions once a week and pray for the team on game night before they leave the locker room to take the field. But more than this gives me an opportunity to build relationships with some students I would otherwise not have a chance to get to know and I get to be on the sidelines for the football games which is really, really cool.

Kellie is plugging along with her BSN degree from Gardner Webb University that she is taking online. With four kids it's quite a challenge for her to get her work done but I couldn't be more proud of her for taking on this challenge. Deacon is working on potty training (which is really working on us) and Emme is simply wild and all over and on top of everything. And to top it off, it's college football season so life just couldn't get much better. Indeed, the Griggs' family is blessed and we give God all of the glory for it.

The power of a word

I tell my students all the time that one carelessly spoken word can do more damage and undo all the good that 100 kind words can achieve. Words are such powerful things! I have witnessed first hand the demoralization on the faces and the anguish in the hearts of people who have been wounded by words that were reckless and harsh.

James has a lot to say about the negative power of words, but words also serve as a conduit through which God chooses to draw us to salvation: There is no other name under heaven but the name of Jesus by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12). It's no coincidence, then, that the written word of God maintains such authority in the life of the believer, for it is God's very word to us.

John 17 and 18 demonstrate a cool example of just how powerful words are, especially when they come from the mouth of the Lord. In John 17:17, Jesus prays for His disciples that God would "Sanctify them by the truth; (for) Your word is truth." It is by the very word of God that we are set apart and able to live the life of righteousness for which we have been called to. Then in John 18:1-6, as Jesus was being confronted by Judas Iscariot and a company of soldiers and temple police, He asks His accusers who they are seeking. When they respond that they are seeking Jesus the Nazarene, Jesus simply replies with the words, "I am He." At this "they stepped back and fell to the ground." At the very spoken word of God incarnate these men, trained in warfare and fierce in appearance, fell helplessly to the ground. Those are some strong words!

What all of this should reinforce for us is the critical importance of Scripture and our need to feast more on it. Christians can be too quick to pick and choose passages that will augment their position on a certain issue and, while there is nothing inherently wrong with that, we must not ignore the great benefit from reading through God's word so that we can ingest all of its goodness and truth. All of Scripture is God-breathed (2 Timothy 3:16), not just the parts that make sense to us or benefit our position. Genesis 1:1 - Revelation 22:21 are some powerful words!

An Inconvenient Truth

Al Gore helped put out a movie by that title a couple of years back that caused a stir in both the political and environmental world. It seems as if everyone has an opinion about global warming and these opinions typically run along the pendulum of current events. When there seems to be not so many issues to discuss on the national and international scene, global warming becomes a hot topic (pardon the pun). However, when things such as the economy or health care reform dominate the headlines, we don't hear much about global warming. In other words, we discuss it when it's most convenient to us.

I will admit that I have not seen the movie nor do I plan to (although I heard at some point that legislators were trying to make it mandatory viewing in our schools...perhaps they should channel their time and energy into more worthwhile pursuits for the good of our country). This post isn't a commentary about the movie or about global warming for that matter. My understanding is that Mr. Gore's point is that he believes no one wants to sincerely discuss the issue of global warming which, to him, is an undeniable fact that will destroy our planet unless we do something about it. Mr. Gore himself has become a catalyst for such action and pretty much everything he does these days is geared towards saving the planet from the mess he believes we've made of it.

Believe it or not, the Bible actually agrees with Al Gore in theory. In 2 Timothy 4:2 Paul admonishes his young protege Timothy to "Proclaim the message (of the gospel); persist in it whether convenient or not." Mr. Gore is desperate for his voice to be heard, and truth be told what he has to say - whether you agree with him or not - is not always spoken at the most convenient time for us to hear. The same is true of God's glorious gospel.

Whenever we proclaim the truth of God, people may not be ready or willing to hear it. Is there a right time and a right place to proclaim the gospel so that men and women might hear the truth and be saved? Sure there is. The time is now, right where you are, whenever you can speak it. God's truth isn't reserved for a block of time on Sunday mornings. We, like Timothy, must proclaim it at all times, whether it's convenient or not. If we wait to share our faith only when the time is "right", will we ever share it?

Potty training and Jesus

Right now, as I type, my 3 year old son Deacon is lounging around in a pair of big boy Diego underwear. This is a big deal in our house because it signals the official launch of potty training for him.

Over the past couple of months we have been telling Deacon that he needs to potty train and have even dangled a few carrots here and there in front of him, promising him anything from a Super Man shirt that he really wants to a Wake Forest football. He responds well to these bribes, at least vocally. In theory, however, we haven't gotten all that fair.

Pee pee has gone in the potty pretty consistently but that's about it. The Pull-ups are a safety net for him and as for the other kind of stuff that goes in the potty...let's just say he's not that interested in putting it there yet. So today, I start playing hardball. If he's gonna insist on using the bathroom the lazy way, then he'll have to wear it a lot closer to his skin that normal.

So far so good. He had a little accident this morning but put the rest in the potty where it belonged. The funny thing about potty training my son is that he knows that he needs to do it and he can sense when it's time to go in the potty, but putting it in there is another story. He sometimes lacks that sense of urgency and is even willing to suffer the consequences of reacting too late, even if it means sitting in the mess he's made.

Sounds a lot like Christians, doesn't it? Followers of Christ are indwelt with the Holy Spirit, and part of His role is to convict us of sin and holiness (John 16:8-11). We know what we ought to do and avoid in the name of holiness and the Spirit does a great job of guiding us, yet how often do we avoid His prompting in favor of comfort and inactivity. We reason within ourselves: It's too hard to do the right thing. I don't feel like moving in that direction right now. If I go there, then it will cost me something. Sure, I know it's wrong, but I just want to look for a minute. How bad can that be?

Jesus was pretty specific about what it would cost to be His disciple - perhaps everything (see Luke 9:23-25 for just one example). At some point in the near future Deacon will understand this whole potty training thing and will no longer desire to sit in his own mess. How long will it take God's people to no longer desire to sit in their own messes and follow His leading? No less than our personal holiness and effectiveness for God's kingdom is at stake.

The New House

Here is the house that we hope to close on at the end of the month.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight...

College football officially kicks of tonight. It doesn't really matter who's playing, the important thing to remember that the game is being played after a long break. And Wake Forest kicks of its season this Saturday vs. Baylor. Go Deacs!

It's about to get serious around here

Over the past couple of weeks I've let you in on the brief saga that Kellie and I have undertaken to become home owners. The house in Yadkinville that we were bidding on eventually fell through and the best way to describe how we feel about that is relieved. This past Saturday, as Kellie was perusing the MLS listings, she came across a home in Lewisville, NC, that looked like it had some real potential. It was built last year but has never been sold, just coming back on the market last week after the builder tried unsuccessfully to sell it on his own. We called our Realtor and set up a meeting to look at it and we knew within the first 30 minutes that it was a house that would be perfect for our family.

As one who has never owned a home before (I have lived in a parsonage the past 8+ years) this whole experience is new for me, but we knew that we wanted to put in a bid that day. Turns out we were one of three bids that very day, which made us a little anxious since we know our limits and were pretty sure a bidding war was not in our future. As God would have it, the builder took our bid and he is even going to cover the closing costs for us.

So now, perhaps for the first time in my almost 40 years on this planet, I have be really responsible. It's scary but I am more than excited about it. Chandler and Reynolds want to share a room like they do now and this house has a "bonus room" over the garage, which is a fancy way of saying bedroom without a closet, which is no problem for those two. Deacon and Emme each get their own room and Kellie and I actually get a room with our own bathroom. The big seller for me was the full basement that can be finished over time. I'll post pictures when we get them and then y'all can come on over and help us break it in once we move.

The good ol' days

As one who is on the cusp of turning 40 (I'm holding off for as long as I can), I seem to remember the 1970's and 1980's as being decades that were simpler and seemingly more innocent (yeah, that's me on the right sporting the hair feathered and parted down the middle at Calvary Baptist Church's Jr. High Camp early 1980's). Maybe it was because we weren't inundated with so much technology that would allow us to know who was doing what at every second of every day. Or maybe it was because, as a child and youth, I was still so naive to the "ways of the world" that I was living in.

Recently some friends of mine started a group on Facebook called the Calvary Baptist Church Youth Group Alumni and on this page are all sorts of pictures and stories from past and current students from that youth ministry. Floods of memories come to me as I read their accounts of summer youth camp and look at all of the old pictures. The highlight of every summer for me was Calvary's youth camp at Laurel Ridge Camp, Conference, and Retreat Center and it was at summer camp in 1986 that I answered God's call on my life for ministry. It seem that the most trouble we ever got into in those days was sneaking out of the cabin at night to raid the cafeteria of Bob Evan's banana pudding or taking off to the top of the mountain during free time to indulge in a forbidden chew of tobacco or a dip of Skoal.

In the summer of 2004 I was able to go back to Laurel Ridge as the camp pastor for Calvary's senior high camp. While there that week I walked on all of the old trails that I used to as a kid and took in the same sights and sounds that I grew up with. The students didn't look all that different that I did growing up yet and as I interacted with them I became keenly aware of the struggles and challenges that they were facing every day. I couldn't help but wonder if they were as idealistic in their view of life as I was when I was their age or if they, too, were more aware of their world just as I am now. For their sakes I hope that they were so busy enjoying being students that the "cares of the world" weren't weighing them down yet.

No one can go back and recapture the past in hopes that it will still apply today. I am grateful for the opportunities that I had growing up in an environment that equipped and challenged me spiritually. I want my own children to be wary of what goes on in our world today but at the same time I desire them to be protected against it by giving them some of the same opportunities that I had as a child. So for me the 1970's and 80's were the good ol' days, not because they were truly more innocent but because they served to impact me for Christ in way that I've never been able to get over.

Slow crawl back to reality

Tomorrow, August 25, is the first day of the new school year for my two oldest children, Chandler and Reynolds. As fun as summer has been I look forward to them getting back into a regular groove where they have a more structured schedule and not so much down time on theirs hands (hey, we aren't the Duggars - we don't possess the ability to manage the minute-by-minute lives of a bus load of kids much less our own four).

Although my kids need the structure, I don't believe they need it anymore than I do. During the school year I get in a bit of a groove myself by getting up extra early to read the Bible while sipping on a piping hot cup of coffee. Summer hurts my schedule tremendously - mission trips, youth events, not having to get the kids up and ready for school. As a result, I find myself scrambling at times to maintain the spiritual discipline that I need to commune with my Lord and Savior.

If people were honest, more would admit that structure is good and that they too need a schedule to be more disciplined in their lives. No need to crack the whip here, just an intentional time of being alone in the presence of God to study His word, seek Him in prayer, and enjoy other good books that help us to grow in Him.

So tomorrow morning before the paper deliverer is up I plan to be back at my regular spot at the kitchen table mug in hand and pages open. Why don't you set your clock and join Him as well?

How many are too many?

Last night I was flipping through the channels and noticed that FOX was airing a documentary of sorts about the infamous "Octomom", Nadya Suleman, the woman who had octuplets after already having 6 other children of her own. She has created quite a bit of controversy over the past year and has been a diva for both tabloids and talk shows. Many have strong opinions about her and her decision to have this many children. While I didn't tune in to the whole show (there was baseball game on that was way more entertaining) I did see enough to form some opinions of my own and to have some opinions thrust upon me.

Before we go any further, let's get the facts straight about who the Octomom is. Nadya had six children previous to her octuplets, and all were conceived by in-vitro fertilization. She revealed on the show that she had eight frozen embryos left and decided to implant all of them, which in turn resulted in the eight new children. When she had the eight children she was living with her other six in a three bedroom home with her mother and she was desperate to move out and into a place of her own before she began bringing the new babies home from the hospital.

Now, I won't go into great detail about the rest of the show but certain aspects glared back at me from the screen that I couldn't ignore. Nadya's relationship with her mom was shaky at best. They argued about her decision to have these other eight babies for the whole world to see and, while I'm sure I would hold some pretty strong opinions if my daughter chose this same path, I'm also pretty sure I would discuss it away from the camera's eye. Another area that struck me was the way the film crew portrayed life in Nadya's home. Chaos ruled that house, which probably surprised no one, yet it seemed as if the film crew went out of their way to show only negativity. One obvious instance of this was seen in a clip that they filmed on Mother's Day. The cameraman went around to each of Nadya's six older children and he was attempting to get each one to say "Happy Mother's Day" to her on camera. Yet in each instance these kids seemed shy and reticent to do so on camera, which as a father of four I can completely understand. These kids weren't used to having all of this sudden intrusion into their lives, yet the producers of this show made it look as if no one on earth - not even her own children - desired to wish Nadya well even on Mother's Day.

Please know I am not taking sides for or against Nadya Suleman. I have no idea what goes on in this woman's mind to make her want to have 14 children that she is trying to raise all alone without the help of a biological father (which in each case remains a mystery). It saddened me to see such beautiful children thrust into that kind of a spotlight that would probably never go away (hello Jon and Kate).

As a parent I have a keen understanding of the value of children. Psalm 127:3-5 tells us that "Children are a reward...Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them." I'm not so sure what defines a full quiver, but 14 seems pretty full. But I also believe that parents have a divine responsibility to care for each child that they have on an individual level. It's a struggle at times for Kellie and I to meet the needs of each of our four kids even when we work together, so I can only imagine the tremendous challenge that lays ahead for Nadya as she tries to nurture 14 children all by herself. Perhaps I was most burdened by the footage of her older six children. They were portrayed as almost "extras," unwilling participants in a drama that was unfolding all around them. It is one thing to profess publicly your love for your children. It is a whole other issue as to whether you can daily demonstrate and share that love with each individual child.

My kids

It's important for me to remember everything about my kids as they grow up as I possibly can. Kellie and I take thousands of pictures a year, yet I want to make sure I remember their personalities and special gifts at each stage of their life. This blog is devoted to just that.


This is Chandler, our oldest (8 years), who starts third grade next week. Chandler is an absolute princess in every sense of the word. She loves makeup and jewelry and anything girly but isn't afraid to get down and dirty either. She loves to sing and perform (and I believe she's gifted at it) and excels in her dance class. Chandler is very smart - she's gifted at both reading and math - and she is a natural leader. She is the one who likes to cuddle the most and she often serves as an extra "parent" to her little brother and sisters. She surrendered her life to Jesus last year and I have the privilege of baptizing her. Chandler is without a doubt a momma's girl, although I get my time in too.


This is Reynolds (6 1/2 years), who will be entering first grade next week. She is our outdoor girl who loves to dig in the dirt and would rather dissect a worm or roll in the grass with the neighborhood dog than anything else. Even though she is a little bit of a tom boy she still loves to dress up and look pretty. The best way to describe Reynolds is "free spirit" - she doesn't really care what other people think about her and she doesn't follow the crowd. Kellie and I are convinced that she will get married barefoot on a beach somewhere. Reynolds is also very smart, but not so much the book smart type as she is just really aware of the world and how things work. She just recently surrendered her life to Christ and she likes to talk to her little brother and sister about Jesus on regular occasions. Reynolds falls into the category of being a daddy's girl more often than not.


Next is my son Deacon (3 years). As the only boy in the family, Deacon does well to make up for the lack of testosterone in the house. He loves sports - all sports - and has several outfits that he puts on to match the sporting mood that he's in. Right now he's on a football kick (I couldn't be prouder) and I have trouble getting him to take off his Wake Forest football jersey and his "basketball shorts" so that we can wash them. Deacon is also really smart yet he shows no real interest in reciting numbers, colors, or shapes right now - he's too busy with other things. As rough and tumble as he can be, he's very gentle with his little sister Emme and watches after her like a big brother should. He absolutely loves music - especially drums - and I often catch him nodding to the beat while we driving somewhere in the car. Deacon lights up a room when he walks in it and he's so darn cute that he's often hard to discipline. And, he's daddy's little man; as the only boy, you know we have an extra close bond.


Finally we have Emmerson (Emme), our little princess (18 mos.). She is our "surprise" baby that has blessed us more than we could ever imagine. As the only child with blue eyes, daddy finally had one that looked a little like him. Emme is flat out wild with energy and an inquisitive nature, but she also likes to be near those she loves. She is always laughing and smiling but she can get bent out of sorts if mommy or daddy aren't nearby. Our biggest desire for Emme right now is that she would sleep better - and longer (she's an early riser) - but when she does wake up it's because she wants to enjoy life a little bit longer. She's a bit of a daredevil too and we have to constantly be on our toes to keep her off of tables and chairs and other perilous perches. Right now she's starting to mimic every word that comes out of our mouths so that keeps us on our toes as well. Emme splits her time between being a mommy and daddy's girl.